Here's what it says on the back of my package of toilet paper:

"Safeway guarantees that your family will be satisfied with Softly Ultra tissue. If you are not, return the unused portion to your local store for a full refund."

What gets me here is that little "return the unused portion". I can just imagine the ad execs sitting around the table, scratching their heads. "Okay, good, but how do we make sure they don't return the USED part?"