A mildly amusing selection of Jack Handey (the Deep Thoughts guy) job rejection letters from the New Yorker.

Dear Sir:

You recently applied for a position with us, but you did not get it, as we have informed you by phone and by mail. However, we have not heard back from you that you completely understand that you failed to get the job. Please call or write and let us know that you realize that you are not employed by us in any way, and never will be.

Sincerely,
Personnel Department
(Link from metafilter)